Everything posted on this website is designed to encompass your awareness. It is intended to coax you awake if you are capable of it. I had to go through all of the different experiences associated with waking up which are described in the essays. Because I am an original thinker and a man that found experience of more value than opinions, some of my discoveries led to awareness that was uncharted in the consensus human beliefs. I have endeavored to include as much of that information as I found language for in these writings.
I have been adverse to sharing my awareness because I did not want others comparing themselves to me. Being Self aware and awake may manifest in very different ways for you. The writings on this website represent a state that I have evolved past many years ago. The website was not designed to describe me at the time David (Aerist) & I created the essays and the space to house them. This was to be a beacon for anyone that found themselves past where the traditional human beliefs left off, as a guide for anyone entering into the emergent Self awareness of our times.
I woke up in 2003. I rose from unconsciousness in a bed where my body had evacuated its wastes. I had been dying of terminal cancer that saw me lose 90 pounds in 6 weeks. It started in my prostate 6 months earlier, then had spread into my lungs and stomach. An educated guess would be metastasized prostate cancer, which most often spreads to the stomach and lungs and has a life expectancy of 3-6 months. I did not seek medical help because every time I thought of it I felt a very strong ‘NO’, and that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ I had learned to trust and follow without hesitation. I was at peace and ready to go.
It was not until months after I awoke that I knew that there was something different about me. The first thing to come to my attention was after talking to a friend and them stating they wished that they could stop the chatter in their brain. I sat and listened to the silence in my skull and upon reflection could not remember the last time I had heard my chatterbox mind. A few days later I likewise realized that I could not recall the last time I had felt boredom. I was just sitting watching the birds at the feeder and realized hours had passed and I had never lost interest or enjoyment in the activity. It has been many years since either the chatterbox mind or boredom has paid me a visit.
Over the next few months I began to notice a lot of things about myself that were peculiar given my recollections of the times before I had been ill. I had already been teaching about the difference between ‘awake’ and ‘asleep’ for several years, but had assumed I was already there because of my abilities and noticeable presence. But even my presence had changed. I walked into a large department store one day feeling really at peace, when after shopping for some time I stopped and went into a transpersonal state. I was so deeply at peace and when I slowly came out of it I noticed there were several people nearby that were just standing there staring blankly towards me, mouths drooped open with a glow about them. I figured out soon after that I needed to ‘wear a mask’ when I went out into public.
More and more I found myself wearing energy masks around other people. My presence was having a strong effect on strangers and loved ones alike. Either they would go into the states like I described or they would suddenly find themselves with spiritual abilities that they neither wanted nor asked for. About the same time I became hyper aware of other people. I could see through them like they were transparent. I became aware when they were lying, when they were seeking emotional vampirism and when they were challenging me regardless of their words. It was about this time that I began to say to students ‘words can lie, but energy cannot’.
Although I knew I could make a handsome living as a Master Teacher & Master Healer I did not want the attention. My service work has always been secondary to my own evolution. I began the contemplation discipline early on after waking up and some days saw me 8-12 hours into one. I just didn’t have the time to serve full time and explore my awareness full time, too. There always seemed to be a nice balance between going into the world to serve for durations, then receding inward for hermetic periods. The serving always seemed to make me aware of what abilities were obsolete and what new emergent abilities were present.
It is hard to imagine for someone not awake the loneliness and burden of being close to anyone else when you are awake. No one was capable of knowing what I was and what I was becoming. But I knew everyone through and through – every sordid detail of their self-loathing and petty emotional baggage towards others. I knew their lies and their pain and how much they secretly adored the suffering of themselves and others. I have had to endure their clinginess one moment and their outright rage at me seeing past their defenses the next.
Here I sit now perpetually awake. I am still unable to be in the company for very long of anyone that is not in the least awakening. Even then I am in the company of someone that is at a level of awareness that I was many years ago. I have not found the companionship of peers. I know what people will say before they say it. I know exactly where they are standing, and what they have in their baggage. I know what they will let go of and what they will fight to preserve with every ounce of their fiction. I know their lies and how they think they can hide them.
Nobody knows me. Not because there is anything to hide. Not because I am trying to be or even am mysterious. It’s just that no one has ever met me. To meet me you have to be perpetually awake, too. No exceptions to that. I am not interested in proving this to anyone. I do not want the attention, because any amount of exposure beyond the humble blog and chat room means that I will have to spend the remainder of my life defending an awareness that cannot be defended. You cannot defend subjective experiences.
As I sit and type this I am aware of everything in my environment, and many things in the global environment. I can feel all sentient life nearby me – can tell when an animal is out and about. Can feel my cat’s ease or unease. Can feel people as they think about me – a little more effort and I can nearly pinpoint who it is and what they want. I am perpetually awake. This means I am presently in the transpersonal state of awareness at all times. There is a separation without effort between me the Self and the environment and body I reside within. I think actively. I experience objectively. I am this I am subjectively.
I am on a channel of my own. My reality barely resembles the reality of the average citizen. My brain gave up on safe and predictable a long time ago. I am exploring uncharted depths of Self awareness that have no point of reference in this world. Much to my surprise and genuine joy I discovered there was one last incarnated pinnacle to attain…this is my destination now. All evidence points to the Self waking up to its creative nature and the powers inherent. All evidence points to emerging Self awareness triggering new forms to house it in. I am not waiting passively for that ascension…I am actively exploring the true meaning of the ideal ‘free will’. Should an atheist ever endeavor to become a god, then he must begin to think like one.
My gaze is cast beyond what the physical eyes are capable of – a location neither spatial nor controlled by clocks. The head is often tilted as if listening to some distant sound waves, but the Self hears a language and a music the body and those who identify with the body know nothing of. I explore ever outward and inward to touch hidden sacred grounds where hearts fear to tread and where the human imagination is mocked for its littleness. I already know that you are unable to offer me any ontological system as Self evident as the one I have left behind. The reason for me returning here is fast approaching its conclusion. I am anonymous but to a few…as it should be.
~ DC Vision