Why do I serve, and do I believe that I have to? I first need to define the word ‘service’. To serve means that if you have the ability to lessen or end the pain and suffering or to illuminate the way for someone struggling at any task, then you offer your awareness, physical help and abilities. It should be a selfless act, but I have been aware at times of benefits for myself in being of use to another. I do not think there is any good/bad, right/wrong assessment that can be placed upon self interests via serving – it is just that sometimes action reaps rewards for more than the person being helped.
I can honestly say that I do not seek out situations where I can be of service, so the idea of my being a selfless and entirely altruistic person can be cast aside. What I can say with certainty is that when I come into contact with someone needing help there has always been little hesitation on my part to offer my services. I do not wait to see if anyone else will rise to the occasion. It simply is in my nature to be helpful. This is a quality that I can trace back to my early life.
My mother placed me in preschool at the age of 4. The women who ran the establishment were very pleased to have me join them as I had a tendency to not only help the other children in their games and activities, but I had also elected myself as the one that picked up after the other children. My mother was a house cleaner, so during my earlier years I was dragged along behind her while she cleaned. I always thought it was likely that I developed my desire for cleanliness and order from those impressionable years as her junior assistant. I can tell you that my home is quite orderly. Wherever I have visited I am likely to be putting everything back in its place, and picking up after the hosts before moving on.
Beyond being a clean person, I have always been aware of the people around me. I can assure you that most people are very unaware of the people that share their environment. I can remember going up to people that seemed lonely and just striking up a conversation with them. I did this throughout my childhood. This was back in the day when it was safe to speak to strangers. This habit produced in me an ability to listen – another rare quality it seems in our species. Most people I have met, including me at times use two way conversations as a means to one way monologues. Humans like conversation mostly if it is about ‘me me me’.
As an explorer by nature, the idea of listening to other people’s highs and lows was my version of reading a good book or seeing a great movie. I especially liked speaking to the elderly. It was like I had a collection of other people’s experiences that I could add to my own. I know that listening opened the explorable world up much further than my ability to experience and travel ever could.
My ability to hear another afforded me an amazing luxury in life. I did not make many mistakes. Most people talk about their problems. Somewhere in my brain I started making lists of the pros and cons of every life situation that was shared with me. By paying attention to these lessons of others, as soon as potential hardship was lurking the red flags and alarm bells went off in my head to warn me of likely outcomes to situations. I can tell you that this made my life so much easier than my peers. I made wise choices and avoided many pitfalls.
This quality of being aware of others led me to becoming a natural servant. I have always been acutely aware of my trespassing in other people’s personal space. I think of all our unconscious behavior, the lack of awareness of personal space is one of the worst. It just never occurs to some people that they are not the center of the universe. That does not stop them from injecting their wants, needs, anxieties and sense of self righteousness into anyone’s personal space that has the unfortunate luck of being in their way. It goes beyond narcissists just being a nuisance.
Some people are simply not concerned or aware of the condition of people around them. It is the oblivious consumer that pulls into the front handicapped space in a busy parking lot because he or she is in a hurry. It is the person that does not open the door for the person behind them. They got there first and the ones coming in behind them simply do not exist in their minds. It is the person that calls you on the phone or contacts you in an instant messenger, and rolls right out with the ‘me me me, I want I want I want’. It simply does not occur to them that you were not sitting there waiting for their invasion of your personal space.
I am not sure if someone inflicted of narcissism can really be helped. Any attempt by me to point the infliction out always got an angry look. This is why I think being of service to others is a necessary part of the evolving process. You have to have the ability to get out of your own ‘me’ space to notice that there are other people’s realities co-existing and being co-created right alongside your own life.
I do not see my abilities as gifts. I earned them by becoming aware of what I am and exploring what I could do. They were not bestowed upon me by gods or mysterious means. Ultimately serving is an integral part of becoming Self Aware. Those abilities do not emerge and become known by sitting in a vacuum. I learned that I was not bound by the body’s skin by expanding beyond it and moving into another’s space to heal them. I discovered my awareness of other people’s awareness by teaching them and figuring out a way to gauge their present understanding. So in some part serving can be beneficial to trigger metaphysical experience.
So I return to the questions again, ‘why do I serve?’ and ‘do I feel as if I have to?’ The answer to the first question is ‘because I can.’ The answer to the second question is ‘no.’ I give healings because I am damned good at it, and hope that if I am not feeling well someone will have the time and ability to help me, too. These days I am far more aware of who I work with, and take some time before offering my services. I see if there is any level of independence in another before I give them an opportunity to become dependent on my energies.
I have rare abilities to offer. I am keenly aware that there are hardly any healers with experience removing parasitic entities. That means when I come across a person with one, I may be the only experienced healer that can help. All other attempts at healing are going to fall short if an inexperienced healer addresses the body’s defences rather than being aware of what triggered those defences. As someone with very advanced awareness, sometimes I find a seeker that is beyond where the general spiritual community is capable of guiding. Do I leave them alone in that confusion? Or do I in the least let them know that they are not crazy and are experiencing normal phenomena of advanced Self awareness? Those I have served know the answers to these questions.
~ DC Vision